The International Combat Tournament Royale
by Negetive2digit
Summary: There is a tournament in Hyrule Castle town soon. All of the Zelda Heroes characters come together to fight for the prize of 100,000 rupees and make idiots of themselves at the same time. Will this take on the classical tournament scenario end well and who will win this tournament?


**My take on the obligatory tournament story. Humor and whatnot abound and lame references to other stories that I should be working on. I own nothing!**

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**Chapter 1: The International Combat Royale**

**Team Eye HQ**

"Seen Rusl this morning?" Ashei asked, sipping at a ceramic cup of coffee while sitting in a wooden chair, at a wooden, square, table, in the kitchen area of the Team Eye HQ, aka a 'quaint' house out in Hyrule Field.

"I'm afraid not," Shad looked up from his book, adjusting his glasses. "Though I did discover this note he left hereabouts, pertaining to his whereabouts," With a small smirk at the nerd's British cleverness and accent, she grabbed said fragment of parchment from his offering hand and skimmed it over. It said 'Gone to town, back later. Rusl.' It was very sloppy, in true Rusl style.

"Well, I guess that means we can have normal food this morning, yeah?" she commented, dropping the note and going over to the pantry. Shad smiled in agreement.

Rusl came bursting loudly through the door as the couple finished their breakfast of bread, cheese, jerky, and Lon Lon Milk.

"Shad, Ashei, I have great news!" he announced excitedly, putting a poster down on the table. Naturally, the other two were a bit apprehensive.

"Not another random poster that offers a suicide mission, for a paltry reward, I might add, that you'll insist on taking, yeah?" Ashei rolled her eyes.

"No!" Rusl seemed unruffled by her delirious enthusiasm (insert sarcasm). "The Princess is hosting a combat tournament at the castle tomorrow! They town was abuzz in preparations!"

"And you wish for us to enter?!" Shad deduced with dismay as Ashei looked distastefully at the garish poster with the title of 'The International Combat Royale!' arcing over the top.

"The prize is 100,000 rupees!" Rusl argued, still very enthused.

"I'm with nerd boy on this. Why should we get into this kind of hassle for _any_ amount of money, yeah?" Ashei retorted, annoyed.

"With that much, we could remodel this old place and have better food and-"

"Okay, okay, stop groveling, yeah?" Ashei impatiently interrupted Rusl's speech. "If you really want to that badly..."

"Well, the two of you may be rather formidable in combat, but I am rather _not_, so I propose that I remain on the sidelines, good friends," Shad said eloquently, not looking at all happy at the prospect of the combat tournament at all. If only it were a chess tournament...

"No chance, bookworm," Ashei gave him a cold stare, though she was secretly a bit wobbly from this little spiel. What could she say? She liked the accent. "If I have to suffer, so do you," Shad sighed and hung his head in defeat. She felt a bit bad for him. She'd have to make it up to him later...maybe there would be a book stall at the tournament.

**Gerudo Desert**

Ganondorf was taking a fly around the desert, surveying the area, when a flyer suddenly flew into his face on the wind. It promptly took hold of his head, obstructing his vision.

"Agh!" he grabbed it and attempted to wrestle it from his face, only to smash face-first into a dune, sending sand flying everywhere. His lower body stuck out comically for a bit before dark energy suddenly started to glow about him. "HAAAH!" he sent the dune flying and pulled the flyer off of his face. He was about to read it, but the sand in his hair and on his person and armor was irritating him, so he stowed the flyer away and soared back to the dilapidated, partially-submerged, stone building that served as his 'secret' hideout. After a quick shower in his magic washroom, he picked up the flyer and read it as he dried his long, red hair with a towel."A tournament? Excellent!" Ganondorf let out a laugh that echoed throughout the building, despite the door and walls of his study. "I will enter and take the prize money and then use it to take over Hyrule! Ha ha ha ha ha!" His Imitation Gerudo guards, outside the room, gave each other a WTH look and edged away from the door a little.

**Castle Town**

Vaati gave a childish giggle as he read the poster, nailed to a fence post.

"100,000 rupees! That is a fortune befitting me, indeed!" he announced, creeping out random passerby, as if his appearance hadn't already.

**Lon Lon Ranch**

"Link, I do not wish to enter any combat tournament," Lucius said flatly, gazing at the green-clad man with his red eyes.

"Oh, c'mon..." Link whined in a perfect imitation of a little kid. "You'd kick butt!" Lucius ignored Cremia, Romani, and Malon's giggles at Link's antics.

"That's beside the point," he replied levelly.

"What about you, Knil?" Link appealed to his black-wearing, longer-haired alter ego, who was sitting next to Malon at the table while she toyed with his lilac locks.

"Well, I'd like a chance to show you up, Fake," he sneered competitively, arms crossed.

"See, Lucius? Now you're the only one out!" Link said, turning back to the mage.

"Come on, Magey," Romani piped in. "Romani is entering too, so-"

"Alright, fine, just stop hounding me," Lucius relented with a sigh. "If it's that important to you all..."

"Count us in, too!" Talon came bursting in. "Right, Ingo?" he added to his lankier companion.

"What?!" Ingo retorted indignantly.

"Do it for the ranch, Mr. Ingo," Malon gave him the puppy-dog eyes. Ingo grumbled his agreement, wishing, privately, that he'd moved in with his cousin, Gorman, to avoid getting dragged into stuff like this.

_**The next day...**_

**Castle Town**

Fireworks exploded in the air and various musics sounded from sprinkled bands of varying skill as the opening festivities commenced. Link, Lucius, Cremia, Romani, Malon, Talon, Ingo, and Knil all appeared next to a souvenir stand in a flash of blue light. Naturally, all of the nearby tourists were shocked by the sudden appearance of eight people and let out cries of shock and dismay as they scrambled back. The stand proprietor yelped and dived for cover.

"Subtle entry, Knil," Link said slyly.

"How was I supposed to know that so many people would show up for this blasted tournament?" Knil retorted.

"Common sense, Fake! Common sense!" Link replied mockingly. Lucius rolled his eyes and grabbed the girls' arms, moving them away slightly.

"Let's leave them to it," he proposed, guiding the others into the milling crowds.

"It'll be plum easy to get lost in all this," Talon commented as they slowly parted the crowd of various beings, which stretched as far as the eye could see.

"I want some popcorn," Ingo remarked, nose and mustache twitching, as they came to the aroma-filled town square, filled with various food stands.

"Anyone else want a snack before going to the sign-up desks?" the mage asked as the farm hand went off to join the popcorn line.

"Ah, funnel cake! The most delectable of celebratory foodstuffs!" Shad announced with joy as he left the funnel cake line and came back over to an impatient Ashei and a virtually bouncing Rusl, bearing a tin plate with a powdered-sugar-covered fried treat on it.

"Okay, let's go! We'll miss registration!" the swordsman said anxiously. Despite his eagerness, the other two had managed to delay their team's arrival through a variety of tactics, both clever and immature.

"Okay, okay...sheesh..." Ashei muttered, watching him run off towards the castle in response, knocking a few pedestrians flying in his trepidation.

"Care to partake in my foodstuffs?" Shad proffered the plate, wearing a sly smile. Ashei mirrored the smile and broke off some of the crunchy treat.

"Sure. He can wait, yeah?" she chuckled.

"Perhaps if his head can handle detonation," Shad replied wittily.

**Hyrule Castle, Southern Courtyard**

Warriors filled the area to bursting, all clamoring to sign up at the long table that had been set up at the base of the castle steps and was manned by five hassled-looking Hylian soldiers. Two dozen more soldiers vainly fought to maintain a security pretense from their positions next to the table and throughout the area, but all the good that they did was to make things more crowded with their armored persons.

Lucius looked over the crowd as he, Romani, Talon, and Ingo pushed their way in and joined the chaos. Many adventurers, from as far as Lebryana and Termina, a couple of Gorons, muscular, rocky, and stalwart; a few Zoras. There were very few magic-users, though, he noted. A couple of Gerudo were also visible, their long red hair, prominent noses, face paint, and unique attire making them stand out.

"Golly! It's plum crowded in here!" Talon exclaimed as they were jostled. Link made himself known around this point, brushing powdered sugar and other snack debris off of his tunic.

"Well, it's an international tournament. Whaddaya expect?" he asked with a cheesy grin and a shrug.

"Did Cremia and Malon find seats?" Lucius inquired.

"Huh?" Link looked at him. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, they did,"

"Really?" the mage cocked an eyebrow but decided to let the subject drop.

Vaati finally got to the desk after enjoying an easy hour of pickpocketing most of the beings present (some of the Gorons and Zoras didn't even have pockets).

"Name?" the soldier shouted hoarsely.

"Vaati!" the child-like mage declared proudly.

"Fighting Class?"

"Mage!"

"Through the door," he jerked his thumb to his left, indicating the gate to the Eastern Courtyard. Vaati chuckled and melded back into the crowd, nicking some rupees and valuables as he went. Knil, meanwhile, was at the other end of the table.

"Name?" the haggard soldier asked.

"Knil," he crossed his arms and frowned. The soldier recognized him from the wanted posters, but couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.

"Fighting class?"

"Ultimate Being," he replied flatly. The soldier jotted it down without comment. Perhaps he'd heard a lot of grand titles today. Well, Knil would show him, and the rest of these idiots.

"Through the door," he pointed to his left. Knil, tired of fighting the crowd, vanished in a blue flash. Many were shocked, the guard not least, but he shook it off and got on with registration while others thought darkly of what they might be up against this year.

**Hyrule Castle, Eastern Courtyard**

As each one of the assorted heroes/villains/frenemies came through the gate, they saw that the usual training area for the guards had been filled with numerous pavilions of varying size and color, each with chalk boards outside to write the current occupant(s) down. Another bored-looking soldier was waiting just inside to hand pieces of parchment out with numbers inscribed upon them.

"Tent 18," he said, handing Knil his slip of parchment as he got over the sudden appearance of the lilac-haired man. Knil snatched the parchment away and walked off through the throngs, quickly finding his tent and jotting his name on the chalkboard outside.

"Hey, contestants only," the guard stopped Link, Lucius, Romani, Talon, and Ingo at the gate.

"We're all contestants," Link replied with a confused look. The guard eyed Romani's leather armor, and her bow and quiver, held on by a leather baldric.

"Oh, sorry...didn't see..." the embarrassed man coughed. "Anyway, here's your numbers," he handed over several pieces of parchment. The five walked off, reading the number 18 on their slips.

"Whoo-hoo!" Link shouted, drawing some stares. "Let's go find that tent!" he hurried off into the crowd. Romani giggled at this and then turned to Lucius.

"Why did that soldier think that some of us were non-combatants?" she inquired with her big blue eyes wide. Lucius smiled softly.

"I suppose that he didn't think that a cute girl could be a warrior," the mage shrugged. "As you saw, he was quite embarrassed by his mistake," Romani frowned slightly.

"Well, they'll see how good Romani is!" she declared.

"You tell 'em, darlin'!" Talon agreed.

"I don't know...that Knil will probably wipe the floor with all of us..." Ingo grumbled to himself.

"Hey, Knil, old buddy!" Link shouted in a chipper voice as he entered the tent, after jotting his name on the board. An energy ball exploded next to Link's feet, making him jump back a few inches.

"I'm not your buddy," Knil replied flatly.

"Sure, you are," the green-clad hero persisted. Knil growled.

"Shut it, Fake," he warned.

"Might we save this for the tournament?" Lucius interceded, walking through the entrance with the other three in tow. "There are rules against fighting outside of matches, you know..." Knil gave a humph and Link pouted. Lucius put a hand to his forehead.

"I say, look!" Shad pointed at the brochure that he had acquired from one of the many information tables in the Eastern Courtyard. "Complimentary edibles are available in the northeast-most corner of this locale!"

"Then we must go there, forthwith!" Rusl tore out of tent 21, scattering the crowd and drawing angry shouts.

"For once, I agree with helmet head," Ashei commented coolly. "Come on, nerd boy," She grabbed Shad's hand, causing him to blush and smile, and dragged him out of the tent, wearing a smile of her own.

Ganondorf had headed for the food pavilion before even finding his tent and was currently stuffing his face with roasted beef, fried cucco, and braised fish. Vaati stared at this simultaneously nauseating and fascinating spectacle, like many others were doing, for a bit before deciding to get some sweetened popcorn before all of the food in the vicinity was gone.

"Oh, no! There's a huge, green thing eating all of the food!" Link called melodramatically, pointing at the muscular Gerudo. Ganondorf gave a great swallow and fixed Link with an angry stare.

"Shut it, green boy! I'm entitled to some chow!" he tore off another chunk of cow shank with his teeth.

"Not if you puke it back up, Ganondork!" the hero rejoined with a cocky grin.

"Goddesses help you if I draw a match with you in this tournament..." the Gerudo grumbled darkly, shaking a fist at Link.

"Kettle corn!" Rusl shouted, running past the scene and interrupting it neatly to get at the boxes of the fluffy, white snack. Vaati flew out of the way, narrowly avoiding being plowed over.

"Well, that's...unusual..." Lucius commented.

"My apologies," Shad stated, appearing, with Ashei, at this point. "He becomes a bit...shall we say..."

"Crazy and stupid," Ashei interjected bluntly.

"Well, I was going to say 'overenthusiastic'," Shad sighed. "but, yes. He becomes this way when filled with excitement," Talon and Ingo dodged a flying cake.

"Yeah, whatever you say..." Ingo muttered. "Weirdo..." he twitched his mustache at the Ordonian.

A large, feathery figure sat high up on the castle walls, watching them as they partook in their foodstuffs.

"Well, this tournament will be interesting, to say the least. Hoo hoo hoo hoot!" the figure uttered in his baritone voice, tilting his head to the side to improve his sight angle.

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**Reviews would be appreciated and I am not responsible for any traumatized readers on account of Kae Gae (snicker).**


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